THE TOTAL PERSPECTIVE – SEPTEMBER 2007

By Frank Burton

Science Fiction and the Governor of California

I can’t say I’m an expert on what goes on in the minds of Hollywood casting directors, but I’d imagine that during his movie career, the current Governor of California must have been approached with a certain level of caution. On the one hand, he was a huge star, in every sense of the word, with a string of box office smashes to his name. On the other hand, the guy couldn’t act for toffee. It may sound harsh, and I wouldn’t say it to his face, but let’s be honest, Arnie was never Oscar material. It is for this reason that his role in The Terminator was an absolute masterstroke. Here was a role that basically required the actor not to act. All he needed to do was be as wooden and emotionless as possible, delivering his lines in the same robotic monotone he used in all his other films, only this time he was actually playing a robot.

Considering how many hundreds of “Best Films Ever” lists The Terminator crops up in, anyone who’s never seen it could be forgiven for assuming it to be a serious work of science fiction. The truth is, like all great movies, the original Terminator doesn’t fit comfortably into one particular category. Most critics will probably inform you that the film combines sci-fi and action, while following the recognisable framework of the “slasher” movie – a relatively new sub-genre back in 1984.

My interpretation, however, is slightly different. I see The Terminator as a black comedy. It’s more funny than scary, and not in an unintentional way. James Cameron had his tongue firmly in his cheek.

It’s basically a one-joke film. Arnie, The Terminator, has been sent back to 1984 from the future in order to kill Sarah Connor, the mother of John Connor, the future revolutionary. The humour arises from how phenomenally bad at his job The Terminator is, killing pretty much every human being in sight apart from his intended target. There is a serious point to be made somewhere among the bloodshed – something about technology and man’s ability to create more and more efficient killing machines – but mainly it’s just good, honest entertainment. There are some great one-liners thrown in for good measure – Arnie’s “Fuck you, asshole” and the immortal “I’ll be back,” being the obvious favourites.

This central joke was so successful, it managed to form the basis of two sequels without losing any of its impact. In Terminators 2 and 3, the joke is turned on its head, as The Terminator is not allowed to kill any humans, which he proves to be remarkably good at. To compensate for my earlier insult, I have to say that Schwarzenegger does deadpan humour very well, and the Terminator sequels do a much better job of exploiting this quality than any of Arnie’s more conventional “comedies”. There is a very funny scene in the (much underrated) Terminator 3 in which The Terminator goes shopping for supplies, indiscriminately grabbing items from the shelves in much the same spirit as his earlier killing sprees.

I’ve yet to see any of the new spin-off TV show set in the aftermath of Terminator 2, which apparently resurrects the characters of John and Sarah Connor, but I have a feeling it’s not going to compare favourably to the films. How can you have The Terminator without Arnold Schwarzenegger? It’s like The Muppet Show without Kermit. Still, if a TV series has to be made from the franchise, hopefully it isn’t going to take itself too seriously. If it does, it will have even less in common with its big screen predecessor. And that would be a shame.

Anyway, that’s my two pennies worth, ‘till next time. Hasta la vista. Ha, ha, ha.

Frank Burton

P.S. – I know you’re not going to be reading this, Arnie, but just in case you happen to have stumbled across this column while Googleing your own name at three in the morning, which I know all the stars secretly like to do, I apologise wholeheartedly for suggesting that you can’t act for toffee, and can only advise you to give up your political career and take up acting again. Seriously, mate. It’s not working. 

Alternatively Arnie (and anyone else who fancies a bit of the action hero), you could go here and give Frank a piece of your mind that you don’t happen to be using at this particular moment, and while you’re there explain how you’re saving the world from global warming by giving up cigars.