By Erik Tomblin

Artwork by Rabidwire.

If I go back home, then what the hell will happen? Daddy won’t say much at first, but eventually he’ll start.

I knew it would end up like this.

What did he know? He’s never been out of that state except for Florida. Everybody goes to Florida at least once.

Sarah started the heavy shit as soon as we moved out here. It’s easy to get in California and so was she. I tried some here and there but never got used to what I saw in the mirror each morning after. Her boyfriend was selling coke and X to pay for his headshots, always setting aside a little from each load for us to party with. Sarah was waiting tables at a Mexican place six days a week. I was an assistant manager at the finest K-Mart in Los Angeles. Why they put a fucking K-Mart in Los Angeles, I’ll never know. I still haven’t figured out why Sarah and I were here. Neither one of us aspired to be a star.

I know there has to be more. The morning I woke up and had to soak Sarah’s hair in warm water to detach her from the vomit-crusted kitchen table, I knew. There has to be more. People live normal lives without being bored. You don’t have to get wasted every night to kill the depression from working a shit-job all day. There is a balance somewhere. Somewhere there is a balance of everything I am looking for.

I don’t want to hook up with Tony. Oh, he’s beautiful, until he speaks, or vomits, or gropes me with his crusty fingernails while he grunts oafishly in my ear. There’s Carl at work, but he’s too smart for his own good and only looks confused when I tell a joke. He’d lick the bottom of my shoes if I asked him. Not much of a man. There must be a balance somewhere.

Still, I need to go. I can’t take much more of this before I slip into their ways. It would be so easy. You stay numb all day from the night before then start it all over again when the sun drops. We closed the club last night and ended up walking home three miles. Cabs won’t stop for two people dragging a third. Not even the ones with plastic on their seats. Luckily, Sarah is easy to carry and Tony wasn’t completely gone.

I just want to get out before there is no one left to carry me.

End