BLUE POOTLE – MARCH 2007

By Aliya Whiteley

On Lint

The Blue Pootle has some important information to impart about lint.

Lint is a by-product of clothes.

Clothes are a by-product of humanity.

Humanity consists of many groups who delineate themselves on largely imagined differences of colour, job, class, religion, body part size, the desire to eat certain types of organic matter, and exercise routines. All of these groups, with the exception of the Naturists, wear clothes.

Clothes originated as an alternative to body hair.

Humans, found on the planet Earth, have long been plagued by alopecia, also referred to as baldness. This involves the loss of hair.

The first sufferers of alopecia lived during a period known as 'The Ice Age'. This was generally a very chilly time for humanity. The humans who began to lose their body hair found that they were colder than the humans who retained their hair. This triggered the little known 'Hair Wars' from which sprang the act of Scalping. Scalping involves removing the thick pelt of hair which grows from the human's head. Once removed the hair was used as a wig in order to keep the scalper warm. The more scalps accumulated, the warmer the scalper, making them more likely to survive the Ice Age temperatures.

The most successful scalper of that time, Urg Smith, realised that he did not have the facility to wear all of his scalps at the same time, leaving his unworn scalps open to theft from other humans. He solved this by tying all of his scalps into a crude garment which he wore over his shoulders.

Thus clothes were invented by Urg Smith, who survived the Ice Age and was father of the Smith clan, one of the largest groups (see paragraph four) of humankind.

Modern clothes are less likely to be made of human hair than other substances that originate from plants, animals and factories in India.

Lint is the balling effect of the constant rubbing of these largely unsuitable materials against hairless human skin and inside the drums of another human invention, the Washing Machine.

Lint cannot be effectively destroyed or curtailed, therefore making it one of the ten deadliest toxic wastes of the universe.

Just one more problem for which humanity has to answer.

Word of the Day: Tragus. A prominence at the entrance of the external ear, partly closing the orifice, and in men usually bearing a tuft of hairs.

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